Someone better rethink their vanity plate selection

23 Feb

I’d like to preface this post with a a quick dirty joke: So a husband and wife are in bed together. The husband leans over to the wife and says “You know, I’d love a little pussy”. The wife looks back at him and says “Me too, mine’s as big as a house!” With that, I give you “Kim’s Box”

 

So let me get this straight, your box is so big that you can fit 6 guys in it at once? How have you not gotten a call from vivid yet!?

 

Shout out to Lauren for the picture

 

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Sassy Starfish don’t take no shit!

22 Feb

Forget honey badger; starfish don’t give a shit!

 

This is, hands down, the most hilarious picture I’ve seen on the interwebs all year. Can’t stop, won’t stop giggling.

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Who’s photobombing who in this picture?

22 Feb

Is Elizadeath photobombing the two dudes? OR are the two dudes photobombing Elizadeath!? This is like an MC Escher painting. I can’t tell which way is up and which is down. All I know, she is rocking some frosty ice on her wrist.

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This is exactly why I don’t go into the ocean

22 Feb

Fun Fact about MMango: I hate the ocean. It freaks me out. I won’t go in past my ankles… well maybe up to my waist, but that’s only if I have to pee, and then its right back to the ankles – Get off your high horse, everyone pees in the ocean.

There’s too much unknown in the ocean for me to be frolicking around in there. I’ll scream the same if I see a Great White, or if seaweed touches my toes. Anyway, just came across reason # 52624352143 why I will not go into the ocean: Bristle Worms. Here is a gallery of macro pictures of these bristle worms, or polychaetes, found on the Telegraph. Let me remind you, these things are in currently in the depths of the ocean.

fuck you.

fuck you.

fuck you.

fuck y... wait, you're cool because you kinda look like a vagina.

fuck you, i'm out

You’ll be lucky if you see me ankle deep anymore, unless I’m hammered, then all bets are off, I’ll be swimming with Killer Whales like I’m Free Willy.

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Whoever said “You are your own worst enemy…”

22 Feb

…Was totally telling the truth. Even your worst enemy couldn’t plan a flying drop kick that misses and knocks yourself out. Someone get this guy on suicide watch stat. I wouldn’t show my face to the public for weeks. It would just be me, a bottle of whiskey, a box of Cheez-its, and a law & order marathon for a good month or two.

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Hamster flips!

21 Feb

Man, hamsters are the shit. What other pet do you know takes a shit load of acid and starts doing backflips!? That is the only logical explanation here, right? I’m 99% he died right after this filming. Beside their short lifespan, hamsters are such an underrated pet.

I had two hamsters when I was younger. My first one, MC Hamster, used to use the top of his cage like monkey bars and climb everywhere. He died when he was attacked by ants that raided my basement. I must say, he was 2 legit, 2 legit to quit.. (moment of silence for the valiant warrior).

My second hamster, Hamlet, bit me twice when I was holding him. Mainly because I had just eaten a bunch of cheetos and the residue was still on my hands, so I really can’t blame him there. He liked to bob his head in and out of his hamster wheel when running. I woke up one morning, and apparently he didn’t bob fast enough, because he had a caught his head in the wheel. Boom broken neck. To die:—to sleep: No more. Act III, scene 1.

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How to say “I love you” in the hood on Valentine’s Day

17 Feb

Screw Valentine’s Day, you can get this for your bitch any day of the week. Who would not want this type of compliment. My apologies for not sharing a few days ago so you could buy it by V-Day. Purchase here.

shout out to Coryboy for the link

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Starbucks offers skiers slopeside service

16 Feb

I’m actually incredibly anti Starbucks — I think their beans taste like burnt pieces of shit BUT this has swayed me significantly in my view of the coffee mega brand.

Starbucks has set up shop slopeside at Squaw Valley in Lake Tahoe:

 

To say this is positively genius is a gross understatement. I mean, think about it: half the time you’re skiing you’re hungover as shit. You usually pound a large Dunks and a breakfast sandwich before you even boot up, but then you’re still stuck with a dull, throbbing headache and leftover barf in your mouth from your trailside puke session . What would fix that? More coffee, of course! And to not have to get go into the lodge or some moutaintop cafe to do so? Well slap me and call me Sally — I’m sold!

Bravo, Starbucks! On behalf of both the skiing and alcohlics annonymous communities, I applaud and thank you.

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Legless B-Boy is not getting any respect from me.

15 Feb

 

Let’s be serious for a minute. I could be sick at breakdancing too if I didn’t have any legs. I didn’t see him spin on his head. Maneuvering your legs is the hardest part about it. My legs probably weigh about 40lbs each, that’s a good 80lbs of weight I don’t have to swing around… yeah consider me a fucking gymnast. (sigh) Next. Not impressed.

 

(let the hating begin)

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Somebody get me this Unisuit NOW!

15 Feb

Holy shit, I want need HAVE TO HAVE this unisuit. Full body suit with a full zip face? SIGN ME UP! Oh and if you don’t think I’m stuffing a pair of socks in the crotch, you’re clearly mistaken. CHECK OUT THAT PACKAGE BITCH!!

 

But really if you want to buy me one, or I GUESS buy yourself one, feel free to purchase it off of Urban Outfitters, here.

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