So as you probably gathered from the 800 mentions in the last week and a half, MMango and I went to a wedding this weekend. It was a childhood friend and the first of our group to get hitched (excluding my cousin Abbie…but minor details). It was the first time someone that I really grew up with got hitched and it was kind of weird. Made me feel like an adult and shit. But clearly that feeling didn’t last very long…
I’ll try to paint a picture for you but the words that will follow will not accurately describe or portray how sick this wedding ended up being. First of all, there were 10 of us sitting at a kids table in the back of the ballroom. No joke, the father of the bride told us he sat us in the back so we’d be closer to the bar. Check and check. So if you can imagine 10 Italian “kids” in their mid-twenties/early-thirties trying to out-talk one another and rocking a fantastically stocked open bar and you might just be able to imagine how this wedding went down.
The night started off strong with a group dance number to “Dynamite”. Yes, the wedding started off with EVERYONE on the dance floor. If that’s not the way to start a wedding, then I don’t know what is. Totally got us pumped up and sweaty for the next 5 hours of dancing. After heading back to our table for some diesel surf n’ turf, we were all called back up for a dance competition against all the tables. We naturally selected MMango as our fearless leader and absolutely killed it. We danced on the dance floor, the carpeted area next to the staff, the mothering fucking stairs complete with an arm tunnel for the middle-aged fuckbags that were trying to one-up us. They failed.
I’d like to say I remember how the rest of the evening played out, but according to MMango I blacked out and don’t remember half of the shit that went down. All I know is that the DJ played the Jock Jams Vol. 1 album from beginning to end (or at least it seemed that way), I lost my voice singing Hall & Oates, MJ made multiple appearances in the DJ’s rotation meaning MMango was in rare form. He even tried to out-dance the babies that were ruining the dance floor (yes, I hate kids at weddings and I’m a cold-hearted bitch). So all in all it was a successful evening of gin and tonics, jack and cokes, madris’ (WTF Nick DeVo?), and lots and lots of jazz turns.
Can’t wait for the next one.
MMango: I just got a call from the country club. They are still trying to buff out the damage we did to that floor. They may need to replace the floor boards due to the fast feet and intricate moves. If you want to take your wedding to the next level, invite us. You can reach us at firstname.lastname@example.org. Please note that if you’re inviting us and we don’t know who you are, our gift is our attendance, you will not receive a card with money, you will receive leaders to the Electric Slide, open bar bandits, and someone to dance with your crazy aunt.
Editor’s Note: MMango added the photos and captions (hence his personal ad at the end).